Children jokes

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?

None because they don't have a home.

Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

What does lmao mean?

Launch Missiles at orphanage.