Children jokes
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."