Children jokes
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
What movie do orphans hate? Full House 🏠
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are…
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.