Children jokes
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Why do orphans read BL or GL?
Cause they get to see what it’s like with a mummy or daddy.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.