My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?
None of them get picked.
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Why do orphans air?
It’s invisible just like their parents.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵💫
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
