Child jokes

What TV shows do orphans not like?

"Family Guy."

Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?

What do an abortion and a baby have in common?

The mom doesn't want either of them.

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."

A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I AM SO SORRY!

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

When the school lets you near children again...

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

Why can’t you give an orphan homework?

Because they don’t have a home to do it in.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?

“A sped runner.”

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Why do orphans not play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.