Child jokes
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Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
Why can't an orphan ever be a criminal?
Because he isn't wanted.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What TV shows do orphans not like?
"Family Guy."
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
When the school lets you near children again...