Child jokes
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
I went to the orphanage and yelled "your mama" jokes.
From your mom.
When the school lets you near children again...
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their way home.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.