Child jokes

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He doesn't know where home is.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

da baby

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

What do orphans have in common with mute children?

They can't talk to their parents.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't make a home run.

What's the difference between me and a rapist?

He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.

She was just 7 years old.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of orphans.

What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?