Child jokes
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
BRAKING NEWS!
Little Johnny's dead!
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.