Child jokes
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.