Child jokes
Why can't orphans play games?
Parents signed.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?
Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?
Because they don't have parents!
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Why do orphans hate baseball?
They don’t know what home base is.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
What did the mom say to the baby?
Alle Kinder heißen Rune, außer einer: Fisse.
Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
They need a parent's signature.
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Why can't the orphan take a family photo?
Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...