Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
Why did the crows form a charity?
Because it's all for good caws!
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
