Charity jokes
Have you heard of the foundation called Autism Speaks?
No, it screeches.
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
Drake has too much meat. Donate to the people in need.
Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.