How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
Cell Jokes
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
What do cells always have on them?
A cell phone!
David? Mitosis.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!
What does the cell ride to work?
A vesicle.
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
