Cell jokes
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?
You can hear a hormone.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?
Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)
Why are Amoebas so bad at math?
Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?
What do you call a nut in jail?
A busted nut.
Mitosis!!!!!! >:)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."