John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
Celebrity Jokes
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.
Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
