Celebrity jokes

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

How did Michael Jackson get away with it?

He's a smooth criminal.

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"

What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.

Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?

A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.