Celebrity jokes
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.
What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.