New Celebrity Jokes - Page 37

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

Chris Brown, More like Chris Brownie hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.

How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?

Poker face.

She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."

Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.

So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

An orphan finds a genie.

Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."

Genie: "Of course."

Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."

Genie: "Done."

Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"

Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello on the other side.

Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."