Celebrate jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
MY FACE REVEAL!!!!! THANK TO SO MUCH TO 20 FOLLOWERS LOL
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
Where do orphans go to celebrate graduation?
Their parents.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!