Cause jokes
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why can't emos have ADD?
'Cause they are already scatter-brained.