Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
