Carpentry jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.