Carpentry jokes
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.