Carpentry jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.