Carpentry jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
Memes
It could be if you believe
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.