Carpentry jokes
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.