Care jokes
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Orphan who needs a parent!
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
Orphan: I love abcdefu!
Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.