Cant jokes

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they never get a full house.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

An orphan goes to a doctor.

Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."

Orphan: "But why?"

Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

Why can't Asians make a white baby?

Cause two wongs don't make a white.

Why can't skeletons play church music?

Because they have no organs.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t run home.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.

Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?

It uses Hershey pronouns.