Cant jokes

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?

A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down!

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because he doesn’t know where home is.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?

Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.