Cant jokes
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?
Stephen Hawking.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, houses can't jump.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
What dog can’t see a dog that’s blind?
What did the sunglasses say to the banana?
Nothing, sunglasses can’t talk.