Cant jokes

What did the sunglasses say to the banana?

Nothing, sunglasses can’t talk.

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

What did the lampost say to the other lampost?

Nothing, because it can't speak.

Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.

One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"

The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?

Home Depot.

Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.

Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

Orphan: -no response-

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.

Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....

Mom: It's a pillow fort.

Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?

Mom: You're almost 19 years old.

Me: Not good enough... OUT!

Why can’t you run in a campground?

Because it’s past tents.

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

Why can't orphans go on school field trips?

Parent Signature: _______

What is yellow and can’t fly?

A school bus.