Cant jokes
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
What happened to the glue?
I knew you would get stuck on that!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Stairs.
Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.