a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
some people can juggle chain saws Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling china saws
How can you get free butt plants just get your man to fill your butt with Natural juices
How can a prostitute make more money then a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal so I stabbed him now we wait
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
son: can i go to my friends mum? mum: no! son: dad was right i am a son of a bitch! mum: bad news but your adopted!!
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
The little camel asks his mother: Mum why do we have these big humps? Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can drink. And mum. Why do we have this large fur? Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don’t feel cold. And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs. Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot sand. But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?
Why do Orphans go to Chruch? So that they can call someone Father
ho can drink 20 litres of fuel without dying jerrycan
35. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. 41. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state. 43. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Boy: Hey mom can we have ice cream. Orphan: What's a mom?
Papyrus ran headfast into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bone head
Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone..??
You can hear hormone
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
Why do Orphans become Hookers? They can call someone daddy.
