Canning jokes

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?

New Yorkers.

What do you call a school that can talk?

A school with a face!

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?

They actually can call someone "daddy!"

What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.

Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?

So they can climb a fence easier.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣

What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.

Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.