Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.
Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?
Because there is no home button.
Q: Can orphans watch family-friendly movies?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
