Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Canning Jokes
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Hi, welcome to June's Orphanage. You make them, we bake them. How can I help you?
Why should cemeteries be built next to orphanages?
So the orphans can see their parents.
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...
Why do orphans like Darth Vader?
So he can say, "I'm your father!"
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.
It's not like they can tell their parents.
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.