Canning jokes
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
Memes
SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.
I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can never find home.
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?
Canned hunting.