Canning jokes
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!