Canning jokes

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

Why does new pavement smell like butt?

In other words you can also call it asphalt.

Ass-phalt.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?

They love to see the whole family.

-->[] go through the door if you can.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?

A cloud.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"

Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.