Canning jokes
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
Memes
Quite true
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.
Why do orphans love going to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?
Neither can be found.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?