Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never hit a homerun.
Canning Jokes
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
Does it cycle now? 🚲
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Waiter: Can I have your order?
Me: No, it’s mine!
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?
Yo mama can be found on Google maps.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
