Canning jokes
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?
You can roast chicken.
Why can an orphan not have homework? They do not have a home.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Memes
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
Not like they can tell their parents.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...
But a creeper blows it up.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.