Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
Canning Jokes
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
