Can jokes
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.