Can jokes

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?

Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Why does new pavement smell like butt?

In other words you can also call it asphalt.

Ass-phalt.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?

Lego, so he can build a home.

I am sorry, but I need some text to work with. Please provide the text from the comments section so I can generate the JSON data for you.

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."