Came

Came jokes

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

  • 0

    • So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

    And then I feed him my dick.

    Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

    You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

    Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

    You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

    Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.

    Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

    So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

    This didn't actually happen.

    Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.

    I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

    My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.

    Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.

    Location is in London by the way.

    One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

    His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

    A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"

    Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

    Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

    A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

  • 4

    • A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

    The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

    He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

    When he died, the Angel came back for him.

    "But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

    "Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."