Call jokes

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

What do you call a pineapple in a pun?

A Puneapple.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philipe Philope.

What do you call an Indian lesbian?

Mingeeta.

What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?

Arrrrrr-ceus!

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

What do you call a cow in the snow?

Chilli Beef.

What do you call a basement full of SJW's?

A whine cellar.

What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?

A knight knight.

What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!

Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?

Person B: Tentacles?

Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.