Call jokes
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Call me an elevator, because I let people down.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
Extended warranty-
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.