Call jokes
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
What do you call a Krispy Kreme Donut combined with a Big Mac from McDonalds?
A Krispy Kreme Mac.
What do you call Cap and Spider-Man? Spider-America!
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
In Mario, it is called a Zoomba, but if it was real, it would be a boomba.
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?
A good start.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."