What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
