Call jokes

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.

What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?

Vegetable Soup.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.