Call jokes
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?
When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"
Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."
Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"
Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"
The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"
The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."
The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"
"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.