But jokes

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.

I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

Why is it okay to stab meat, but I can't stab myself? These woke lefties, BLM, Antifa, feminists, eco-warriors, pro-vaccine libtards are stopping your freedom and right to stab yourself!

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

VOTING SEMIFINAL 1

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.

Vote for the better joke.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖

He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.