Both jokes

What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?

Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!

What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?

If you throw water over them, they both die...

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?

Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?

Both were owned by their own kind.

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?

They both choose who they want.

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?

They both drop.

What do emos and a bird nest have in common?

They both hang from a tree.

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.

Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?

A. They're both really short.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

"What else, Watson?"

"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What Else, Watson?"

"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"