Both jokes

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.

What do emos and apples have in common?

They both hang on trees.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?

They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.