What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
9 months before I was born,
I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
🤣🤣🤣
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
