Born jokes
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Were you born on a highway? Because that is where most mistakes happen.
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...