Body jokes
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Poop and balls through the walls!
Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Your hairline is so big, it looks like the TITANIC.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
My balls.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Why is the fanny flat? Because so it can flop about.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.