Blue

Blue Jokes

Rose

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

Man

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

Mother

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

Blood

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Fart

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

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  • Abuse

    Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

    Gummy bear

    Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.

    Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?

    A: Delici-Oso

    Sky

    Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

    Blue sky at night, day.

    Atom

    Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!

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  • Gun

    Roses are red,

    Violets are blue,

    I have a gun,

    GET IN THE VAN!!

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  • Rose

    Roses are red,

    Violets are blue.

    God made me pretty, what happened to you?

    Rose

    Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

    Hair

    I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”

    Zoo

    Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!

    Gay Men

    What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.

    Kid

    Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

    Body Count

    A man is with his friend in a bar.

    The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

    Nervous, the man looks away.

    The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

    The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

    "Wait, wha..."

    "What?"