Blue jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Blue sky at night, day.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"