Blind jokes
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
OK, OK, eat your shirt.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.