Bird jokes
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
What goes boo in a car with no lips?
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
What do you call a Mexican rooster?
Un gallo pelón.
I have a big cock.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
Time for double joke Tuesday.
What is a bird's favorite letter?
A C gull.
So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me.
Kid: You're a dick, you know!
Me: And you're a pussy, you know?
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.