Best jokes

Why do butts always win at poker?

They always hold the best PAIRS!

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

What is the best part of being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family sized.

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

Q. What's the best part about 28 year olds?

A. There's 20 of them!

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡. What was the best game I’ve [played]?

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.

Where do you find the best comedians?

In the funny farm!

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?

No more tears.

I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.

When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.

When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!