Best jokes

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?

Why do asses make the best detectives?

They always crack the case!

Why do butts always win at poker?

They always hold the best PAIRS!

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

What is the best part of being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family sized.

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

Q. What's the best part about 28 year olds?

A. There's 20 of them!

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡. What was the best game I’ve [played]?

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.

Where do you find the best comedians?

In the funny farm!

Why do rappers make great fishermen?

They always have the best HOOKS.

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?

No more tears.