Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
